Sardonyx Tonight
by Interspark
Summary: When Smokey Quartz first formed, they were invited by Sardonyx, to appear on her chat show, Sardonyx Tonight. Of course, Rainbow Quartz and Sunstone can't be interviewed by Sardonyx, at least, not the same one...
1. Chapter 1

From a distance, a casual observer could be forgiven for thinking Beach City was the site of a massive festival. Never before, even during tourist season, had the seaside town been so crowded, albeit not with humans, but Gems.

The Crystal Gems had won, in every possible sense. The Diamonds had called off the feud with earth, and come back to personally undo to damage they had done to the Crystal Gem army. Once the formerly tyrannical matriarchs left, the Crystal Gems finally had the freedom they'd faught so hard for, to do whatever they pleased. The only trouble was, the vast majority of them had yet to figure out exactly what that was, when they were corrupted.

That was how some two hundred Gems came to be milling around Beach City, interacting with the locals, sampling the local cuisine, relaxing on the beach, and visiting the temple base, which had had a colossal statue of an unfamiliar fusion, and a small, human dwelling built around it, since they'd last been there, un-corrupted.

Despite it being the dead of night. Steven was up, chatting animatedly with all his friends, old and new, sitting on the beach, still somewhat wired from his confrontation with White Diamond on Homeworld. There was certainly no shortage of topic for conversation, and eventually, it worked its way around to Steven's exciting new fusions.

"Man, I... _love_... the new Rainbow Quartz!" Amethyst told Steven excitedly. "You never met the old one, Steven, but she was all, ' _Uhhh_ _I'm an amazing beautiful, goddess lady, who can punch boulders apart!_ '" She threw her arms into the air, to add to her melodramatic impression. "The new one's a riot!"

"Well, Sunstone is certainly impressive too!" Pearl added. "Their representation of earth culture in the 1990's was very amusing!"

"Oh yeah..." Steven remembered. "What was up with that?" He asked, Garnet.

Before she could answer, Amethyst laughed, "Garnet kinda had this phase of being into earth culture back then."

"I liked the fashion." Garnet shortly explained.

Amethyst threw her arm over Steven's shoulder playfully, and looked at Garnet and Pearl. "You know it's a shame Sardonyx can't grill them like she did Smokey."

A small group of Nephrites had been passing. One looked over, at the flamboyant fusion's name. "Are you guys talking about Sardonyx? I miss that goofball!"

"You know, she could always make me laugh, even in the thick of battle!" Another fondly added.

Rhodonite had been lounging on the sand, nearby, with Padparadscha sitting on her lap, idly listening to the conversation. "Who's Sardonyx?" She asked, curiously.

"She's Garnet and Pearl's fusion." Steven explained.

"So, a fusion between a Ruby, a Pearl and a Sapphire..." She noted.

The small group looked back and forth, and seemed to suddenly notice that there were two of each of those Gems present, which led to a train of thought that, even though no one was rude enough to suggest, made Rhodonite and Padparadscha blush slightly.

"I predict... that you'll bring up a touchy subject." Padparadscha prophesised.

"We will? I mean... we did?" Steven asked, in dismay.

"Well, Padparadscha and I have been friends for millennia..." Rhodonite explained. "Of course we've talked about fusion, but we always figured it was wrong... And we're not so close that we can't help ourselves, unlike these two lovebirds." She pointed at her Gems and smiled proudly. "To say nothing of her..."

Near the Big Dougnut, Fluorite was deep in conversation with Jasper. Whatever they were talking about, it seemed to be making Jasper massively uncomfortable, but, to her credit, she seemed adamant on hearing the caterpillar-like fusion out.

"Well, of course, we'd never ask you to fuse for something as silly as greeting Rainbow and Sunstone." Pearl reassured the two off-colours.

Rhodonite's blush was gone, though, and she had adopted a thoughtful expression. "No... you know what? I think it's about time we stopped being afraid of the Diamond's dumb rules. What do you say, Padparadscha? You wanna give fusion a try?"

"Rhodonite, I know what you're about to say, and the answer is yes!" Padparadscha lifted her fringe, revealing the dramatic twinkle in her eye, as she grinned excitedly. "Let's put on a show!"


	2. Chapter 2

The beach was swarming with Gems, all gathered around a stage where Sadie Killer and the Suspects had played the previous night. A pair of enormous flood lights cast beams into the night sky, and a laser machine cast multi-coloured light onto a layer of dry ice.

Word had travelled quickly, that Pearl and Garnet had recently discovered brand new fusions with a new Crystal Gem, and an unfamiliar Pearl, Ruby and Sapphire would be fusing, to introduce them to their new friends, in Sardonyx's well-renowned theatrical format.

After much anticipation, a drumroll sounded, promptly hushing the crowd. The tension lifted tauntingly for a few moments, until the stage was consumed in an explosion of red smoke. The shroud soon cleared to reveal a tall fusion, with four arms held high in dramatic greeting.

"Good evening ladies and gentlegems! And welcome, to Sardonyx... TONIGHT!"

The new Sardonyx was at least a head shorter than the original, and looked resplendent in a blood red, sequined gown, with lace covering two of her shoulders. Her hair was a rounded, black afro with streaks of orange in it and like the original Sardonyx, she had four eyes, which often alternated being open and squinting, in pairs.

She took a microphone from the front of the stage in one hand, "How are we all doing tonight, folks, are we ready for a show?"

The crowd of Gems cheered their approval at Sardonyx's crowd work.

"So, any of you ever have one of those days, where you finish a year-long voyage through space, fleeing tyrants, only to come face-to-face with said tyrants, then get asked by a bunch of Gems you don't know, to introduce some Gems you kinda know, to a whole mess of Gems you've never met before? Earth, am I right?"

The crowd roared with laughter, as though they found what Sardonyx said very relatable. From the front, someone shouted, "She's describing my whole life!"

Sardonyx grinned and blushed slightly, seeming to gain a burst of confidence.

"So, before I... you know... came into existence, Rhodonite and Padparadscha danced a little, back stage, but have you guys ever noticed how, when Gems don't have time, or room for a fusion dance, they're just like 'Meh, we'll just join hands, and say we danced...'?"

The crowed laughed hysterically. Towering over the Gems around them, a fusion of two Jaspers shrugged in agreement. "Yeah, what's up with that!?" She laughed.

Sardonyx grinned, and gave a dismissive wave of her hand. "You're too kind, folks! But enough about me, I'd like to introduce you all to a brand-new fusion! You know them as the newest incarnation of the powerhouse from the Gem War, I know them as that kid I met a few times, fused with some Pearl. Iiiit's RAINBOW QUARTZ 2.0!"

A glittering rainbow arched through the air, over the screaming crowd. It flew towards the stage, before shooting upwards, and exploding, like a spectacular, rainbow-coloured firework. Amidst the raining embers, Rainbow Quartz drifted to the stage, with one foot in the handle of their parasol, one hand on the handle, and the other waving and blowing kisses at the cheering audience.

Once they were bored of their gradual descent, Rainbow closed their parasol, dropped to the stage, rolled acrobatically to its edge, and held the accessory to their mouth, like it was a microphone. Even though it wasn't, their voice carried over the roaring crowd. "HELLO BEACH CITY!"

While the crowd cheered their approval, the Pearl on Sardonyx's chest glowed, and projected a holographic desk and chair, matching the furniture from the chat show she was imitating.

"So, Rainbow... Tell me absolutely everything about yourself!" Sardonyx insisted, as she sat behind the desk. "Because I've literally never heard of your cut before today..."

Rainbow Quartz collapsed into a chair and stretched their arms upwards. "Well, I've had a pretty short go of it, but I can safely say I spend most of my time skydiving and playing Quidditch." They grinned, and held their palm out, as if to catch Ruby and Sapphire's Gems, as they had on Homeworld.

Towards the front of the crowd, Connie was sitting on Garnet's shoulders, to better see the stage. She laughed hysterically, while the entirety of the rest of the crowd stared at Rainbow in confusion.

Rainbow cringed nervously. "If you guys were all human, you'd agree that's a cracker..."

"But since we're not, let's talk about your abilities." Sardonyx suggested. "And that parasol... stretching the definition of a weapon, wouldn't you say?"

"Au contraire!" Rainbow leapt to their feet, and began swinging their parasol, as if chopping an invisible log. "Anything's a weapon if you're angry enough!"

"Well, what do you say we put that theory to the test?" Sardonyx gave a coy smile. "It's time for our next segment... beat my guest to a pulp for everyone's amusement!"

"Uhhh, you what?"

Sardonyx held her arms out to the crowd. "Now which of our lovely audience members would like to take a poke at my guest, to see what they can do?"

Unsurprisingly, a familiar voice cried out, before anyone else got a chance. "Ooh! Me! Right here!"

Bismuth muscled her way through the crowd, gently shoving the other audience members aside, before leaping over the last few rows and landing with a thud, on the stage next to Rainbow.

"Bismuth!" Rainbow cheerfully greeted. "Might've guessed I wouldn't have gotten through the evening without a tussle, ya knuckle head!"

Bismuth grinned excitedly and morphed one hand into a hammer, before slamming it into the palm of her other, warningly. "Oh, you're getting one, rookie!"

The crowd cheered encouragingly, many of their expressions showing familiarity with Bismuth's infectious enthusiasm.

"Alright!" Sardonyx announced, before taking an imaginary sip from her holographic coffee cup. "I want a nice clean fight! Let's not disrupt our guest before the show is over, so the winner can be... Oh I don't know, figure it out amongst yourselves." Without Warning, Sardonyx slammed all four palms into the desk and stood up. "FIGHT!"

Rainbow made the mistake of rounding on Sardonyx in surprise, after her outburst, while Bismuth was itching to begin. The latter's morphed hand flew at Rainbow like a missile, as Bismuth's arm stretched. Catching on in the nick of time, the fusion swayed clear of the attack, their feet skittering across the stage like a ballerina.

While Bismuth braced herself for a second attack, Rainbow summoned their parasol with a flourish, and rested it on their shoulder. "Bismuth my dear, you may be ready for a fight, but boy, are you going to feel silly if it rains."

Grinning, Bismuth raced towards Rainbow with her fists by her side, but Rainbow swayed clear of the attack like water around a rock. Bismuth attacked again and again, but Rainbow danced and twirled around her, never more than half a foot away, yet flawlessly dodging every punch. After a particularly forceful lunge missed, and left Bismuth somewhat off-balance, Rainbow closed their umbrella and swung it like a golf club, sending the hulking Gem sprawling across the stage.

"Not bad, Pixie." Bismuth grinned. "But it'll take more than fancy footwork to beat me!"

With a flex, Bismuth's hands became elongated scythes, and the violet Gem span her arms around until they became a deadly blur. Rainbow winced with all four eyes, as Bismuth charged at them, and backflipped away from the first attack, onto the stage's scaffolding. Looking down, at the blood-thirsty look in Bismuth's eye, the fusion pointed their parasol skywards, and it hoisted them upwards like a fish on a hook.

Bismuth leapt after her opponent with such force, that the stage cracked. Sparks flew from the rim of Rainbow's parasol as it pulled them, but Bismuth was hot in pursuit, however, strong as her legs may have been, Bismuth was not able to fly... a flaw that proved her undoing, as she slowed to a painful stop, dizzyingly high above the stage. Rainbow lounged on their closed parasol like it was a sofa, besides their temporarily airborne combatant.

"Bismuth, darling, I fear you may not have thought this through."

Before gravity could claim Bismuth, Rainbow Quartz gave it a hand. They grabbed their parasol, swung it overhead, and slammed it into Bismuth's back. The muscular weapon smith cried in alarm and exertion as she hurtled downwards, and G-force threatened to tear away her form. Below, Sardonyx barely managed a cry of alarm, before Bismuth hit the stage like a meteorite, sending splintered wood and metal beams flying, amidst a mushroom cloud of sand.

Rainbow drifted towards the wreckage with an apologetic cringe in their eyes, as with much grunting and sighing, Bismuth, Rhodonite and Padparadscha rose from the debris.

"I predict... that you'll get carried away..." Padparadscha offered.

Bismuth laughed awkwardly at her role in the destruction. "I guess I should fix this up so Sunstone can have a turn, huh?"

"You don't say?" Rhodonite replied, sarcastically, holding her head in exasperation. "We'll be right back, folks..."


	3. Chapter 3

The crowd barely had time to disperse and chat about the show so far, when, with a gleam of crimson light, Sardonyx reformed on a freshly mended stage.

"Gather round, gather round, folks! The show must go on!" She cried, dramatically.

The rabble of Gems quickly congregated in front of the stage, eager to meet the next Crystal Gem fusion.

"Now... as a fusion AND an off-colour, Parparadscha and Rhodonite were collectively yelled at by no fewer than three Morganites, five Agates, two Hessonites and even Yellow Diamond herself!"

Several Gems booed at the temperamental matriarch's name.

"And after all that, even I think my next guest has a... hot head."

Sardonyx wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, but only the handful of Crystal Gems who had met Sunstone on Homeworld, laughed, the rest merely gave clueless stares.

"You'll understand in a few moments..." Sardonyx promised. "Now give it up for... SUNSTONE!"

The bulky fusion flew into the air, from behind the stage, and flipped several times in the air, before landing with a thud, leaving a trail of embers in their wake. They flew to the front of the stage and brandished peace signs with their pair of bulkier hands, and shakas with their more slender ones. "What's shakin' Beach City!?"

"So, Sunstone..." Sardonyx greeted, after the crowd stopped cheering, taking a seat at her holographic desk. "A lot of Gems here are familiar with Garnet, myself included, and I've heard some pretty impressive things about her fusions, including a certain showgem I'm filling in for! Think you can measure up?" She smiled coyly.

Sunstone pointed at Sardonyx dramatically, "The only person you need to compare yourself to is yourself!" They declared, before pointing one of their thumbs at their chest. "If I do my best, I can be the best Sunstone there ever was!"

The crowd seemed to approve of Sunstone's philosophy, but Sardonyx pouted at the evasion of her question. "Yes, yes, but yours and Steven's strength combined, augmented by the closeness of your relationship?" She whistled, impressed. "I'd bet that there aren't many Crystal Gems who could measure up..."

A twinkle in Sardonyx's eye gave away that another fight segment was looming, but if Sunstone noticed, they didn't acknowledge it.

"Every one of the Crystal Gems is an indispensable hero of earth!" Sunstone cheered, pointing at the audience, prompting a fresh burst of cheers and applause. "Remember kids! If you're part of a team, and you do your best, then that team's accomplishments are your accomplishments! No matter how much you were able to help!"

"Well... even if you're too modest to admit it yourself, I have it on good authority that you're something of a powerhouse!" Sardonyx went on. "Why... you lifted the entire Diamond Mech over your head!"

Most of the crowd gasped in astonishment.

"Unfortunately, we can't recreate that for our audience, since three quarters of the Mech detached and went home..." Sardonyx said, indicating to Pink Diamond's legs, lounging against the cliff. "But... we have the next best thing..." She gave a wicked grin.

The ground began to tremor, and behind the stage, the ocean began to froth and boil.

"Introducing a fusion you all know and fear!" Sardonyx announced, in a sinister, threatening voice, as two shapes began to rise from the waves. "Rose Quartz's infamous Black Delta Crystal Squadron!"

The shapes rising were two gigantic heads, each with a jagged mohawk and six silver, glowing eyes, followed by one torso, with eight arms. The collosal fusion was at least one and a half Obsidians tall, and pitch black. Silver lines crisscrossed over her body, connecting at least a dozen visible Gems.

Sardonyx lifted the three arms that weren't holding her microphone. "Affectionately known... as BLACK DIAMOND!"

At the announcement of her name, Black Diamond's jaws opened well beyond the ability of a human, and she gave an ear-splitting roar.

"Ay caramba!" Sunstone cried, as Black Diamond reached towards them.

The smaller fusion flipped over the incoming hand, the size of a truck, and ran up Black Diamond's arm. The noire behemoth swatted at herself, the way a human would a very friendly spider, but the scale of the fusion left her far too slow. Sunstone sprinted, leapt and flipped between and over the flailing appendages, as if they were battling a hydra.

Eventually, with a mighty leap, Sunstone came face to face with Black Diamond, (or at least, one of her faces) reared back and threw a fireball from their fist, like a video game character. Black Diamond recoiled, and roared with distress, covering one face with one hand, while the other face scowled angrily.

As Sunstone fell, after their attack, they were relatively helpless to evade, as two mighty hands clasped around them, snatching them from the air, and began to squeeze. The smaller fusion's larger arms were still free, but they were unable to pry themselves from their opponent's grip. Sunstone cringed and writhed, the flames that made up their head intensified as their situation grew more and more helpless. The crowd watched in awe, and it seemed like the fight was done. Black Diamond held Sunstone close to her faces, and she gave a sinister, triumphant laugh.

"Hnnng... Remember kids..." Sunstone winced, as their face began to distort, as if they were moments away from unfusing. "Getting mad might... grr... motivate you... but it always pays off... to TAKE A CHILL PILL!"

A ball of white light shone from Ruby's Gem and shot across Sunstone's body to Sapphire's. As it went, Sunstone's colour scheme changed from red and orange, to blue and purple, and their flaming scalp was replaced with a jagged mop of icicles. Ice ran down Black Diamond's hands like flames across oil, and the smaller fusion easily slipped themself out.

"This really looks like more of a job for your cool cat, MOONSTONE!"

"Whaaat!?" Amongst the crowd, Amethyst grabbed Pearl in astonishment. "Did they just change their name, and their whole deal!? Is that even allowed!?"

"Steven must be augmenting Garnet's duality!" Pearl excitedly theorised. "He's bringing out the best in Ruby and Sapphire alternately!"

Black Diamond persistently grabbed at Moonstone, but each hand she grabbed with ended up frozen solid, to the limb Moonstone had been running along, until it looked like the behemoth was bound in an icy straitjacket. Moonstone stood on Black Diamond's shoulder with their larger arms folded, and their smaller ones shooting finger guns at the nearest head.

"You could really stand to cool it, amigo."

Black Diamond writhed and stomped in the water. The crowd nervously retreated, as she drew dangerously close to the shore. Moonstone swan dived into the water and her ripples quickly froze, locking Black Diamond's feet in place. Unable to balance herself with her arms, the monster slowly began to topple forwards, like a fallen tree, with much writhing of her heads. Before she hit the water, a jagged icicle, the size of a tree, leapt up towards her, with Moonstone leaning idly against its side.

They lowered their visor slightly and winked at the crowd. "Don't play with sharp objects, kids."

Black Diamond roared in distress as she collapsed onto the icicle and was impaled. With an explosion of black smoke, a dozen different Gems began to rain down on the water and ice around Moonstone, all with exhilarated grins on their faces. After a moment of stunned silence, the crowd exploded in rapturous applause.

After a cautionary sweep to ensure all of her opponents were alright, Moonstone leapt on to the stage and gave a dramatic bow. "Thank you, Beach City!" They cried, over the continued applause. "You all made my night, and you should be real proud of yourselves!"

While Moonstone continued waving, and giving peace signs to the audience, Sardonyx joined them at the front of a stage. "What a show!" She declared. "Thank you so much for joining us, Moonstone, and of course, all of you for watching! I'll see you next time... on Sardonyx Tonight!"


End file.
